Sex Therapist, Relationship Coach & Tantra Teacher

Hello, I'm Jacqueline Hellyer. I'm one of Australia's foremost experts in positive sex, sexuality and relationships. In my role as sex coach, sex therapist and tantra expert, I offer expert support around sex, love and intimacy.

My knowledge and experience is as broad as it gets, and I share it in an open, practical and inspiring way. My effective and liberating approach allows you to:

  • Look at your issues comfortably and openly
  • Increase knowledge and confidence
  • Find greater sexual, relationship and personal fulfillment.

I offer:

  • Sex therapy and relationship coaching in Sydney (and via skype) for individuals and couples;
  • Tantra Fusion workshops, seminars and retreats; and
  • Sex and relationship advice through my books, videos, pocketbooks, Q&As and media appearances.

Your sexuality can be a powerful force for good in your life - if you embrace it, enhance it and direct it. Let me help you become confident, creative and connected... 

Private Sessions:

Sex therapy, relationship coaching and more.

Tantra Workshops:

Sexual empowerment workshops and events.

Jacqueline's Shop:

Pocketbooks, videos, books and play products.

Latest news

  • Podcasts of Blog Posts Available! more...
  • Blackbelt in the Bedroom Men's Seminar more...
  • Applied Tantra Couples Workshops more...
  • Sex Secrets for Busy People as E-Book! more...
  • What is Tantra? - read my pocketbook! more...

On my blog...

Good Head Does Not Mean Simulating A Vacuum Cleaning

Posted 22-May-2012

Available as a podcast: download here!
Yes, I know on the porn clips the women giving men oral sex appear to be applying an extraordinary amount of suction and vigorous attention to the penis, and the man appears to be enjoying it. But you know what - they’re actors. You don’t know if they’re actually enjoying it. That’s not what porn is, porn is designed to be visually stimulating, it’s supposed to be what looks arousing, not what actually is arousing. Never assume that what you see on porn feels good.

And yes, I know when a man masturbates he tends to stroke his shaft vigorously.

But your mouth is not a hand. Your mouth is completely different to a hand, not only in the way it holds a penis, but in the mechanism of how it moves. Your hand is attached to a very flexible wrist, which is attached to a very strong and mobile arm. Your mouth is part of your head, attached to a delicate and not very maneuverable neck.

It is not possible to use your mouth like a hand without doing severe damage to your neck. Let the porn stars get regular physio for their oral antics, it’s probably tax deductable anyway. It’s not for you.

So, if your intention in giving your man oral pleasure is actually pleasure and not performance, then let’s look at what really makes oral sex pleasurable for a penis.

Your mouth has lips and a tongue and cheeks. All those lips and tongue and cheeks can move, and in moving can stroke and caress and tantalize a penis in ways that your vagina can’t, and with a warmth and wetness that your hands lack. So use the warmth and wetness and movement of your lips and tongue and cheeks to give him pleasure. Some suction is good, but you don’t need any more than you would give a lollypop. Avoid using your teeth unless specifically requested to.

Most of the sensation in a penis is in the head, so you only need to put most of the oral focus on the head. Touch it and tease it with your lips, lick it and stroke it with your tongue - with laps and swirls and little tickle movements. Blow on it too.

Putting it into your mouth you can continue to use your tongue and add movement with your cheeks, as though you are massaging the shaft with your cheeks, rather than applying full suction.

Add to the stimulation by using your hands on the shaft of his penis while stimulating the head with your mouth. Use the other hand to stimulate his balls, or his anus (if he’s open to that - excuse the pun!) - or stroke other parts of his body while giving him oral: his nipples, his feet, his thighs, or anywhere really!

As to deep-throating, sure, do it if you want to. You can open up the back of your throat by making a yawning motion, which will enable you to bring his penis further into your throat. Unless you have a particular penchant for deep ramming, I’d suggest you do the odd deeper throat interspersed with much more shallower attention to the head and upper shaft, using your hands for the rest of the shaft.

Remember, you’re the one doing the giving here, you’re in charge. If you find the man is getting a bit physical and starting to thrust deeper than you’d like, hold his thighs with your hands so he can’t get in too far. If you’re not in a position to do that, then move!

You may have to train him in this approach. Some men have never had a head job that wasn’t mimicking a vacuum cleaner, so might be expecting the porn star approach. I know from my own experience that the man’s reaction tends to be along the lines of “Holy F! What are you doing?! Oh my god that feels good….”

So, tap into your feminine softness, take oh so delightful control of his member, and tantalise and torment him with previously unknown delights..

It will take him by very pleasant surprise…


Would you like to learn more about loving a man as a woman? Then come along to my Luscious Woman Workshop, or have private sex therapy and coaching sessions.


Available as a podcast: download here!
Yes, I know on the porn clips the women giving men oral sex appear to be applying an extraordinary amount of suction and vigorous attention to the penis, and the man appears to be enjoying it. But you know what - they’re actors. You don’t know if they’re actually enjoying it. That’s not what porn is, porn is designed to be visually stimulating, it’s supposed to be what looks arousing, not what actually is arousing. Never assume that what you see on porn feels good. more...

The Yin and Yang of Sex

Posted 01-May-2012

Available as a podcast: download here!
Feminine and masculine; dominant and submissive; active and receptive; spiritual and physical; hard and soft; intense and subtle; light and dark; slow and fast; quick and prolonged; peaks and valleys….

These are all elements of Yin and Yang, the coming together of equal, complementary opposites to make a united whole. They are also all elements of sexual potential.

 The ancient Taoists of China understood this, so the sexual understandings and practices that have come from that period of time are about balance and equality and lead to ecstatic sexual experiences that are health-and life-enhancing.

 The Tantrics of India had similar practices, which also created a harmonious whole from the meeting of Yin and Yang (although in my experience many modern Western practitioners of Tantra are way too Yin, but that’s another story).

The West though, has been dominated by the masculine, or the Yang elements, leading to a dysfunctionally dominant male and a dysfunctionally submissive feminine. This applied to the whole of society as much as to sex.

As I’ve explained before, with the social changes of the 1970’s, we got more apparent equality, but we haven’t really strengthened the Yin in society, and therefore in our sexuality. The whole approach to sex (see my article the Adolescent Male Masturbatory Model of Sex) was, and is becoming, more and more Yang - harder, faster, louder. Just look at porn these days to see how Yang it is.

Yang is good; but not without the balance of Yin. A sexuality that is based solely on the Yang elements will get boring over time, requiring more and more intensity for satisfaction. Balance it with Yin elements, and you can have wonderful sex forever.

The key is equality between the Yin and the Yang: there is no need for judgement about what is right or wrong when there is equality. Male equal to female; receptive equal to active; submissive equal to dominant (I prefer the term ‘commanding’). So when two people come together in sexual intimacy, they come together as Yin and Yang, complementary equals, and their sexual play is a dance of polarities - peaks and valleys, intense and subtle, active and receptive, commanding and submissive.

To be able to meet as complementary equals and to be able to play with the polarities of Yin and Yang, requires you to be balanced within yourself, to be whole. You may have preference of expression, more one than the other, if your partner complements that expression; but within, you have both: hard and soft, tender and firm, vulnerable and protective.

Would you like to learn more about the yin and the yang of sex? Then book into my Tantra Fusion Workshops, or have private sex therapy and coaching sessions.

Available as a podcast: download here!
Feminine and masculine; dominant and submissive; active and receptive; spiritual and physical; hard and soft; intense and subtle; light and dark; slow and fast; quick and prolonged; peaks and valleys…. more...

G, A and Ohhhh-Spots

Posted 17-Apr-2012

Available as a podcast: download here!
You might not be quite sure where it is, but you’ve probably heard of the G-spot. Are you aware that there are other ‘spots’ in the vagina too?

It’s good to know the geography of your own or your partner’s vagina - there are some good spots in there! The G-spot is the one that gets all the press these days, there are whole books written about it. To be honest though, it’s not the favourite part of my vagina. It’s good, but for me the O-spot is better, and the A-spot is best of all! So where are these spots?

Ok, let’s start with some basic navigation of the vagina. Start with you or your partner lying on her back. Then insert your middle finger into the vagina. You’ll notice that on the tummy side of the vagina it feels like there is a corrugated ridge running from the entrance back into the vagina along the front wall. This is the urethral sponge, the engorging material that surrounds the urethra. As a woman becomes more aroused the urethral sponge engorges with blood and protrudes further into the vagina.

From now on, unless you’re very flexible, I’ll give the instructions for the person who’s inserting their finger into someone else’s vagina. If you’re doing it on your own, you may be able to reach these spots if you’ve got a short vagina and/or long fingers. Otherwise use a dildo for your explorations.

G-Spot

Follow the ridge of urethral sponge back into your vagina to the point where it disappears and hook your finger onto the edge. This is the famous G-spot. (As I’ve explained in another post, the whole urethral sponge is sometimes called the G-spot, and while pressure on the whole ridge feels good, the actual ‘spot’ is at the far end.) So, with your finger hooked so the pad of the first knuckle faces back towards the vaginal opening, press and pull.

A-Spot (also called the AFE-spot)

Still with your finger hooked to touch the G-spot, straighten your finger and insert deeper into the vagina, angled in and up so as to touch the front wall of the vagina a little further in than the G-spot, and a little to her left. It’s in front of the cervix in the soft tissue there. (The cervix is the knob-like protuberance with a dimple in the middle that you can feel at the end of the vagina). It’s a very arousing spot, which you’ll find with focused prodding,

O-Spot
From the A-spot, turn your hand around so it’s facing down and move your finger around the cervix until you’re on the other, with your fingertip touching the back side of the vagina. It’s opposite the A-spot. This area feels like an open cul-de-sac as this part of the vagina balloons open when a woman is aroused. Poke around there (in a sensual and loving way) and you may well find a good spot there as well.

Every woman is different, so get to know your or your partner’s vagina well. Start by locating the various good spots (and she may have others as yet uncharted), then in the next post I’ll look at how to stimulate those spots for utmost pleasure…


Would you like to learn more about the anatomy of the vagina? Then book into my Tantra Fusion Workshops, or have private sex therapy and coaching sessions.


Available as a podcast: download here!
You might not be quite sure where it is, but you’ve probably heard of the G-spot. Are you aware that there are other ‘spots’ in the vagina too?

It’s good to know the geography of your own or your partner’s vagina - there are some good spots in there! The G-spot is the one that gets all the press these days, there are whole books written about it. To be honest though, it’s not the favourite part of my vagina. It’s good, but for me the O-spot is better, and the A-spot is best of all! So where are these spots? more...

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TESTIMONIALS

"A huge thank you with all my heart for the unique and beautiful experience that you created for all of us on the weekend. It was such a magnificent experience and I am amazed at how much the Luscious Woman weekend boosted my confidence, I feel fantastic. What you give to others is such a beautiful gift you’re an inspiration to everyone around you".

"A massive thank you for all your guidance and wisdom. Your sex therapy played a very significant role in changing our lives forever."

"A wonderful authentic experience"

"Absolutely amazing Luscious Woman workshop, thank-you sooooooo much!"

"Before meeting Jacqueline we were “fumbling around in the dark”, I couldn’t go the distance and this left my beloved underwhelmed. We were caught in the daily grind, were sexually frustrated and wanting a more satisfying experience. Since Jacqueline’s sex coaching our lovemaking has become light-hearted, our lives filled with romance, dating, petting, smooches. When we make love the time is intimate, fun, erotic, orgasmic and/or all of the above. We’ve never been happier, whole or as complete – and can’t thank you enough."

"Fabulous"

"From me a huge hug and big big thank you for the wonderful content, presentation at Luscious Lovers, and most of all the love you shared with us."


"Great to get insights into how a woman is thinking and feeling during sex."

"How can I thank you? You have helped me move to a place where I not only feel comfortable with my body, but feel it's pretty damn sexy and any man who gets to explore and share it is lucky. Most importantly I feel good about myself. I've had my eyes opened to all sorts of possibilities..."

"I applied everything you taught at Blackbelt and had the most intense sex ever!"

"I can honestly say that I'd be separated and on my way to divorce if not for you slapping me into shape."

"I contacted Jacqueline with the dread of having sex and not really liking my "bits". I am proud to say that with her sex therapy, today I now initiate sex and am way less shy to share my "bits" with my partner. "

"I didn't know what I didn't know!" 

"I feel entirely transformed. It's not new in the doing, but the sense of self residing within has changed - and that has changed everything."

"I feel privileged to have shared your wisdom."

"I had no idea someone like you existed, I'm so glad you do and that I found you!"

"I have done Jacqueline's Blackbelt in the Bedroom course twice now, and I may go back for a third. Its like they say practise makes perfect, and this is one practise I really really really enjoy!!! "

"I have realised so much about my self and my sexuality, your Luscious Woman workshop has changed the way I see sex."

"I just wanted to say a quick thank you. My girlfriend is absolutely in raptures because of what I can do to make her feel almost an inch towards heaven. A lot of it has been your wise words and your philosophy. The main thing that you said, was its not the pursuit of the orgasm but the enjoyment of the whole journey, and I have made that my own now. Thank you again, you have made be able to give her everything that she richly deserves in the bedroom."

"I just wanted to thank you for all your coaching in the past. I am now living life to the fullest and loving every minute of it"

"I learned so much at Luscious Woman and feel better about many things - more empowered and definitely more luscious."

"I loved my time at the Luscious Lovers workshop - truly amazing."

“I loved Tantric Lovers - my love life has SOOO shifted to another level….you showed me in an amazing way, how I was able to tap into a field of energy that I didn’t realize existed when it comes to lovemaking and intimacy which shifts the whole experience to another level. I am now better able to remain focused and present to the whole experience."



"I loved the experiential nature of Luscious Lovers - it was brilliant and acted as a stimulus to reconnecting."

"I loved the Luscious Woman weekend thank you so much for putting on such a professional and tasteful workshop."

"I loved your humour and relaxed facilitation. It really disarmed everyone in a good way!"

"I often reflect on what a wonderful person you are and what a beautiful gift you share with others. I love your passion for helping others and one day I hope I gain enough wisdom to help others in your footsteps. I will continually look out for others in need and highly recommend you where ever I go, as I think this world needs so many more amazing people like yourself to uplift and brighten the lives of those in need."

"I really enjoyed your Luscious Woman workshop, it was a great experience. You have a special gift :-)"

"At Blackbelt I really got what it means to come into my masculine sexual energy, with strength and confidence and no macho or aggression. Feels great! (And my wife is beaming!)"


"By attending your Luscious Woman workshop I was able to see women from a much more positive light, we're so gorgeous and sexy! I'll never be so critical about myself or other women again. What a relief!"

"I wish I could do the Luscious Woman weekend every month!"

"I would like to deeply thank you for all your support and sharing your wisdom with me. Since our first sex therapy session I have learned to orgasm and break my limiting belief that I was a non orgasmic women for 27 years! I will never forget the beautiful gift that you have given me, my gratitude for your kindness will always be something I reflect on for the rest of my life."

"I would love to do this every day!"

"In the couple of years since we saw you I realise that my wife has never rejected me. That's a testament to your skill as a sex therapist!"

"Inspired, oohhh yeah, what wonderful timing for us just the injection we both needed."

"Inspiring!"

"It was ALL great for igniting the inner goddess!!! I've been on a flow ever since the Luscious Woman weekend!!!"

"It was great to hang out with such cool guys at Blackbelt in the Bedroom, no jocks or dickheads."

"It was so good to connect with other women at Luscious Woman and be open about our sexuality. It was reassuring to know that everyone has issues, timid ones like me and the sexually adventurous."

"It was so good to take time out to reconnect."

"It was such a beautiful experience to be surrounded by so much love. Thank you for filling up our love bank!"

"I've done Blackbelt in the Bedroom twice it's so good. There's nowhere else you can get this quality of information explained clearly and boldly. It's made a huge difference to my life."

"I've never felt so comfortable with someone so confronting!"

"Jacqueline has done it again! What a way to reconnect for Valentine's Day. I'm so glad that we invested our money in Tantric Lovers, rather than chocolates and roses! The course helped us remember the importance of completely "being" with each other - not just physically, but on a much deeper level. We will take this into the bedroom and practice the art of real love-making, not just sex!"

"Jacqueline is an inspiration!"

"Jacqueline's workshops are fun, informative, sensual, and in many ways deeply profound." 

"Just wanted to let you know that we enjoyed Luscious Lovers last Sunday immensely. Happy to say that we really connected that day and had some of the most amazing sex when we got home!!!!
"

"Loved the practical demo, thanks for being so bold."

"Luscious Lovers was so good we're back to do it a second time!"

"Luscious Woman was so useful and very much applies to the modern lush woman who wants to feel and be even more empowered!"

"My husband says he's so pleased I made him attend Luscious Lovers. Since Saturday we have noticed a real shift in our energies towards each other almost like switching from AM to FM radio, the difference is that noticeable."

"My love life has so shifted to another level….you showed me in an amazing way, how I was able to tap into a field of energy that I didn’t realize existed when it comes to lovemaking and intimacy which shifts the whole experience to another level."

"My partner and I feel closer since the Luscious Lovers workshop. Before this my partner said he felt a lot of pressure to live up to a macho male image, but when he saw how much other men were willing to give the gentle tantric caressing to their partners, he's started doing this at home. For me, this workshop has given me the courage to experiment, I can bring my fantasies to life instead of keeping them only in my mind."


"My partner said within 24 hours: "that Luscious Woman course you did was well worth every cent you paid for it!"

"No-one felt intimidated - it was relaxing and natural to partake in the activities."

"It's not over-stating to say that I would call the course 'life changing'. In essence I believe it has been a major catalyst in deep healing, a fundamental shift in personal and spiritual growth, and lasting and evolving change in self confidence, body awareness, self acceptance and ongoing sexual exploration."

"Omigawd thank you so much... We had the most amazing 'homework' experience after our sex coaching session!"

"Provided a new freedom"

"Really got a lot out of it and learned a lot"

"Really got a lot out of Luscious Woman and learned a lot"

"So good to get practical information that's solid, real and not at all sleazy."

"Such beautiful people - it was a real joy!"

"Thank you for such a unique and positive experience. It's very refreshing to interact and see so many couples still so deeply in love after so many years. Today society puts too much focus on divorce and negativity and not enough time on teaching couples the amazing re-connecting techniques that we learnt in your wonderful workshops. We loved every minute of our Tantric Lovers experience. It was such a beautiful experience to be surrounded by so much love. Thank you for filling up our love bank!"

"Thank- you so much for creating such an amazing, truly luscious weekend where a woman can really explore herself and her hidden potential. I'm still glowing from the experience and whenever I think about it, I get a little cheeky smile. I've gone from feeling somewhat inhibited to warmly embracing my sexual self and its expression."

"Thank you so much for all your help and inspiration over the last five months....don't think we would have made it this far without you!!!"

"Thank you so much for your help...in my sexual, sensual and feminine growth.  I am a different person than who I was 2 years ago, and a bucket load happier xx"

"Thank you very much for running the Tantric Lovers workshop. It was fabulous! It was a great day spent expressing and learning to express even deeper our love for each other. It has had a lovely positive effect on our relationship, and this boosted love has extended out to all other relationships in my life. It’s brought a spark to my life for ‘communion’. And with the basket of golden-egg goodies (exercises) we received on the day, I feel resourced-up to explore what was previously unknown and a little intimidating."

"Thanks again for your brilliant life-changing support of my wife and I."

"Thanks for an inspirational and informative session
"

"Thanks for last week's Blackbelt session, I certainly took a lot away from it."

"Thanks for the inspiration!"

"Thanks Jacqueline for Blackbelt in the Bedroom last night, an absolutely amazing course."

“

Thanks Jacqueline, we both had an extraordinary day

"

"Thanks Jacqueline, we both had an extraordinary day."

"Thank you for a wonderful day at Tantric Lovers. We certainly both found it enjoyable, beneficial and more! It was the breakthrough we’ve been searching for."

"Thank-you for an awesome day, it was perfect in every way."


Thank you for the way you stretch yourself to help others open up.

"Thank you so much for your professionalism, passion and dedication – your honesty and integrity shine."

"Thank-you XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX U R wonderful"

"That was hilarious! You're so funny - and informative at the same time!"

"The Blackbelt workshop felt great and I was blown away by how brave you are to do this kind of thing with a room full of strange men and how gorgeous the energy around you is."

"The coaching has been great, I feel privileged to have shared your wisdom."

"The course helped us remember the importance of completely "being" with each other - not just physically, but on a much deeper level. We will take this into the bedroom and practice the art of real love-making, not just sex!"

"The Luscious Woman course was AMAZING and wonderful. So informative, liberating and empowering."

"The empowerment you provide people with through your sex therapy and tantra workshops is inspirational, life changing and the beauty of it is that you don't give them power, you don't even create it, it just simply manifests itself through the opportunities you so strategically present."

"The Luscious Woman weekend was great for me, I think working on the solution instead of the problem has taken me further forward then anything else I have tried. I am looking at making love in a whole different way."

"Blackbelt in the Bedroom was the most amazingly useful workshop I have ever done!"

"The re-connecting techniques we've learned in your couples workshops are amazing."

"The Tantric Lovers course helped us remember the importance of completely "being" with each other - not just physically, but on a much deeper level. We will take this into the bedroom and practice the art of real love-making, not just sex!"

"The Tantric Lovers workshop opened us up more to the joys of exploring our connection and ourselves from an ‘energetic’ point of view, and the flow on from that and the gorgeous day we spent with you has been profound, meaningful and self sustaining for us."

"The world is a clearer place now, things are a lot lighter!"

"Things have improved dramatically via the techniques learned through our sex therapy sessions."

"Useful, loving information."

"We have noticed a real shift in our energies towards each other almost like switching from AM to FM radio, the difference is that noticeable."

"We really enjoyed the Luscious Lovers workshop, so much so that we raced home afterwards and got it on! Grrrrrrrrr to say the least – Lol."


"We really love coming to see you, as you offer us such support and have made a huge difference to our lives."

"We used to fight constantly about sex, I never thought we'd find a way out. Then we found you and with your sex therapy that's all changed. You're awesome!"

"We've been having a lovely increase in intimacy and fun and insight since doing your two fantastic workshops, Luscious Lovers and Tantric Lovers."

"We've just spent a wonderful weekend workshopping with Jacqueline. Her workshops are fun, informative, sensual, and in many ways deeply profound - the weekend brought us closer in ways we could never have imagined. Thank-you for filling up our love bank!"

"What a super girly treat!"

"What have you done to my wife!! I'm loving it. I think I am your new best friend! I am telling everyone who cares to listen about your Tantra Fusion workshops. "

"What you give to others is such a beautiful gift you’re an inspiration to everyone around you".

"Working on the solution instead of the problem has taken me further forward then anything else I have tried."

“WOW! THANK YOU for making the day really special for us and highlighting some of the simple things we can do as Luscious Lovers."


"Wow, you are an amazing speaker! You're so knowledgable and very entertaining. Thanks so much."

"You are a relationship genius!"

"This weekend gave me so much confidence.  I feel sexy and like a woman again"

"You have a way of opening me up and reading me like a book. I've taken a tremendous amount away from our sex therapy sessions."

"You saved our marriage. Thank-you!"

"You truly have a gift Jacqueline!"

"Your sex coaching helped save me from a life so ordinary, I'm forever grateful."

"Your Tantra Fusion workshops are fundamental to the health and sustainability of all relationships, regardless. In this faster than ever paced world, over stimulated and titillated, and where choice and everything-can-be-had as a retail experience is omnipresent, your guidance is like a light through the darkness..."

"Your workshops are amazing"

"... your workshops are so fun, connective and amazing ... just a joy to participate in ... you definitely have great skills in putting together a very cool experience for people ..."

"You're the most confronting person I've ever felt so comfortable with!"

"You've changed the whole way I look at sex, now I feel so much more positive and free and empowered!"

"You've filled  a lot of gaps in my knowledge with your sex coaching."

"You've shown me how to feel the way I've always wanted to. Thank-you for deliciously weaving my spirit and sexuality back together."

more...

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