The Picnic Approach to Sex

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Ditch the Adolescent Male Masturbatory Model of Sex!

Replace it with the Picnic Approach to Sex!

I’ve written elsewhere about the Adolescent Male Masturbatory Model of Sex: about how because we’d had such a sexually repressed society for so long, our knowledge of sexual possibilities was so limited, that basically men did with their wives what they’d been doing by themselves as adolescents - masturbating into their wives. So when the sexual revolution hit in the 1970s, the only model we had was the AMM Model, and that is considered ‘normal’. You get horny, you rub genitals rapidly, you orgasm, you finish.

That would have to be the most boring model of sex though.

As highly sexualised creatures, humans deserve a lot more than boring AMMM sex.

The AMM Model is like a three course meal, it proceeds in set stages: kiss a bit, fondle a bit, give her an orgasm (if you’re doing the more considerate Chivilrous AMM model of sex), then intercourse getting progressively more vigorous until he comes. Then it’s all over.

I suggest you approach sex more like a picnic, more like the Asian approach to eating, with everything available at once and you pick and choose whatever you want in whatever quantity and in whatever order you please.

With the Picnic Model of sex, you can intersperse bouts of intercourse with bouts of oral or other genital stimulation; you can stop and have a cup of tea and chat before resuming; you can get up and have a dance; you can read some erotica to each other; you don’t have to have intercourse; you don’t have to have an orgasm or you can stay in orgasmic states; you don’t have to stop when he comes (he doesn’t even have to come).

In this way your lovemaking ebbs and flows, with peaks and valleys. You get into a gorgeous flow of experience. There may be orgasms or there might not, it doesn’t matter, it’s not about orgasm it’s about sharing pleasure. You may find yourselves in states of extraordinarily high arousal, better than orgasm, you may even find yourselves in altered states of consciousness.

You both let go into the experience. One may naturally be the leader, more commanding, and the other more receptive, more yielding - if that’s how your eroticism works. Or you might flow from one approach to the other seamlessly, if that’s how it goes for you.

There is no ‘right’ way or ‘wrong’ way of making love in this model. It’s simply whatever evolves for that couple at that point in time.

With this approach the age or physical capability of the couple doesn’t matter. All you need is the ability to connect and flow with the moment.

For modern couples more used to sex as being a process and a performance, this is a radically different approach. It might feel weird at first, but over time you’ll get better and better at letting yourselves go and proceeding in any way that feels just right.