The Tantra Fusion Blog

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So much of my work revolves around enabling people to come together with real intimacy. This last month I ran both Luscious Lovers and Tantric Lovers workshops for couples. Seeing couples sharing their love and intimacy so beautifully is an awe-inspiring experience, but sadly rare in our society.

It’s not that smooth and easy for all couples though. For very many it is bewildering and perplexing, and very often extraordinarily confronting to ‘meet’ each other in this way. The barriers have to come down. You have to meet each other with calm, deep, slow tenderness. There needs to be a slow dissolving of the edges. The woman needs to get a place where she can welcome her man into her, invite him to enter. That entering is a place of beauty and relaxation and letting go for the man. She needs to be able to allow that. He needs to be able to hold her so well that she can get to that place, so that he can enter her and the entering becomes a coming together, a merging into unity.

When a couple come together in this way, they are exploring the exquisiteness of the ‘valleys’ of sex, a place where altered consciousness is possible, where you can enter orgasmic states. This is a very different experience to the ‘peaks’ of sex, which is about intense genital stimulation leading to genital orgasm.

I believe that many people lose interest in sex, or become obsessed with sex, because focusing on the ‘peaks’ of sex is not sustainable in the way that a ‘valley’-approach to sex is. Sex that is predominantly genital- and orgasm-focused, gets empty over time. The women feel like recepticals and the men have performance problems due to the over focus on the penis. Without the emotional and energetic connection it’s just an empty physical act that doesn’t really satisfy either person.

The starting point for real sex, true love-making, is tenderness. Tenderness is coming together with softness and strength. Tenderness is calm, deep and beautiful. This is how your love-making needs to be to get to that place of true connection, true yielding and opening to each other, where your love-making turns alchemical, creating a life-enhancing and sustaining energy for each of you.

Tenderness. Try it.

[Read all four of October’s blog posts, they are all highly relevant. Watch out for my e-Pocketbook on Sensuality coming out soon, and read the one on Understanding Tantra.

Also, to come together as a couple, you need to work on yourself as an individual, so I strongly encourage you to attend a single-sex workshop: Luscious Woman or Blackbelt in the Bedroom (for men). There you'l learn how it feels to get into a state where you can start to experience this type of love-making.]